Authentic  Relationships

&   Constructive Communication

As proposed and practiced by Naturalmente
Based on the methods, tools, and principles provided by Marshall Rosenberg

 

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Nonviolent Communication (NVC)

by Marshall Rosenberg

Through his approach, Rosenberg shows us a way of looking at the world so that we can move from a perspective of judgment to one of compassion.
NVC teaches a method for communicating with empathy, honesty, and clarity. It helps us connect with ourselves and others, nurturing compassion and understanding. It aims to find collaborative win-win solutions that honour the needs of all parties involved.
Many communities use this method to solve conflicts successfully.

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The four pillars of NVC are:

1. Observation

  • Observe and describe the situation without interpretation, evaluation, or judgment. 
  • Observations focus on specific behaviours or actions that are observable by anyone – objective rather than subjective interpretation. 

E.g.
Evaluation: “You were ignoring me”
Observation: “You were looking at the phone when I was talking to you about a topic I consider important” 

2. Feeling

  • Recognize and express your honest feelings without blaming others or criticising oneself.
  • Feelings arise as natural responses to internal and external stimuli. 
  • And so, there is an importance of acknowledging and taking responsibility for one’s own feelings/emotions.

E.g.
Non-Feeling and blaming: “You made me feel invisible”
Owning and expressing our feelings: “When you were looking at the phone while I was talking to you,
I felt upset and hurt

(Examples of Feelings,
and Evaluative words confused with feelings, at the end)

3. Need

  • Identify the basic human needs behind your feelings. Needs are universal human requirements such as connection, meaning, autonomy, safety, peace, respect, etc. 
  • Taking care of our needs and being honest about them and what we are feeling 
  • We are encouraged to connect with our own needs and the needs of others, recognizing that all actions are attempts to meet these needs.

E.g.
Non-clarity on what a need is, or not finding the core need: “I need you to listen to me when I talk to you”
Acknowledging and identifying our needs: “I felt hurt and upset because I have a need for connection, recognition, and to know that I am being understood”.

(List of basic human needs at the end)

4. Request

  • Make a clear and specific request of what you want or need from others, without demanding. 
  • Requests are actionable and so one is asked to express their wishes and preferences directly rather than making vague statements. 
  • By making requests rather than demands, they need to be reasonable, and we remain open to negotiation and collaboration, and open for new possibilities, considering our own needs and the needs of others, in order to find mutually beneficial solutions. 

E.g.
Demand: “Look at me when I’m talking to you!”
Request: “Would you be willing to put your phone down when we are talking about an important topic, or can you let me know when you are available to be fully present for a conversation? 

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Observation vs Evaluation (interpretation)

Observation: 

    • Something we can perceive with our senses or measure with a tool
    • Objective = not influenced by personal feelings or opinions
    • It is the same, independent of different observers 

 

5 senses
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 Evaluation/ Interpretation: 

    • The making of a judgement or interpretation about something 
    • Subjective = based on or influenced by personal feelings, preferences or opinions
    • Different according to different perspectives 
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Active Listening and Empathy

Practicing empathetic listening and compassionate understanding. Active Listening Encourages listening with empathy and without judgement, allowing the speaker to express themselves fully without interruption.

 

NVC teaches active listening techniques that involve paraphrasing, reflecting feelings, and acknowledging needs. This helps individuals connect on a deeper level and build trust and rapport.

 

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Communication loop - (Paraphrasing):

  • A communication persists until it is received. 
  • A communication loop gets destroyed by a communication roadblock. 
  • Since the communication is not confirmed by the listener, the speaker is unsatisfied, and the communication must be repeated. The consequence of incomplete communications is conflict. 
  • A communication is received when both the energy and the information is heard and confirmed
    • Information = concept, request, boundary, clarification, need, etc
    • Energy = feelings, conscious purpose, hidden purpose, etc

How to complete a communication loop:

  • You as the listener repeat back in your own words what you heard the speaker say. This allows the speaker to validate and verify whether or not their original message was heard. 
    • If the correct impression was not received, the speaker has a chance to resend.
    • If the speaker confirms the accuracy of what you repeated by saying yes, it signals that the communication has been completed. 
    • You can then both go to the next deeper level of intimacy and sharing, moving towards being in understanding and love together. 

Note – communication loop is not about agreeing or disagreeing. We are just stating what we heard the other saying, stating exactly what was said, without adding or giving our opinion

com loop

Identifying FEELINGS & NEEDS

in the Other's Speech

Sometimes we are in conversations with others that are less fluent in constructive communication.

 

In these cases, even if they are having communication that is not so constructive,
it can be very useful to identify the Feelings and the Needs behind their speech, so we can guide it into a more constructive communication, with empathy and compassion.

 

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Example

– Asking directly what the other is feeling and needing

 

Or trying to find it within the others speech

 

Examples:

(someone saying you are being rude (interpretation and blaming)

 

– You can ask:
– are you feeling angry, because you need to be understood?

 

(or ask directly – what is your need?, and how do you feel?
Do you have a request for your need to be met?

 

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Or you can even add observation and suggest how you can help them to have their needs met:


– When I don’t feed your conversation, (observation)
are you feeling angry? (feeling)
because you need to be understood? (need)

 

I’m not available at the moment but willing to go deep later on when I’m more available to be fully listening to understand you deeply
– would you like that?

Roadblocks to Communication

roadblocks
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1. Judging, Criticising, Disagreeing or Blaming

Expressing disapproval or criticism of others’ actions, choices, or opinions. Making a negative judgement or evaluation of a person, trying to get them to stop doing what they’re doing. 

2. Name Calling, Ridiculing, Shaming or Sarcasm

Making a person feel foolish by belittling or mocking their ideas or feelings.

3. Giving Unrequested Advice, Opinions or Solutions

Telling a person how to solve a problem and offering unsolicited advice. Giving advice when it was not clearly requested, or accepted to be given. 

 

4. Interpreting, Analysing, Labelling or Diagnosing

Offering interpretations or analysis of others’ behaviour, and using labels or diagnoses to categorise them without their consent. 

5. Warning or Threatening

Telling someone the consequences that will occur if they do/don’t do something in order to control or manipulate their behaviour.

6. Moralizing or Preaching

Making judgments about others’ behaviour based on personal beliefs or values. Telling others what they should/shouldn’t do. 

7. Dissuading a person from feeling what they are feeling

eg. Reassuring, Sympathizing, or Consoling – Denying the strength of someone’s feelings, trying to make someone feel better and trying to make their feelings go away. Attempting to comfort or reassure others without fully acknowledging their feelings or needs. 
 

Authenticity with Respect

At Naturalmente, we value honesty and authenticity, encouraging one to express their thoughts, feelings, needs, and experiences genuinely even if they are uncomfortable. 

Being authentic means being true to oneself and living in alignment with one’s values, beliefs, and emotions

Authenticity encompasses self-awareness, self-acceptance, and the courage to show up as one truly is, even if it means being vulnerable or facing disapproval from others.

 

We do, however, still place great importance on also having empathy, respect, and consideration for others’ feelings and needs. We see this balance as an essential part of what it means to step into emotional responsibility. (More details in a later chapter)

Thus, in being authentic it’s essential to do so in a non-violent way, for example expressing how we feel  whilst respecting the other (without blaming or accusing the other)

Being authentic allows individuals to cultivate deeper connections, build trust, and lead fulfilling lives by living in alignment with their true selves. It fosters genuine relationships, personal growth, and a sense of fulfilment and purpose

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Honest communication

Saying yes, or no, only when we really mean it

Another important aspect of NVC is to never say yes when we mean no. It is important to let the other person know that we only want them to do something if they truly want to do it. In this way, we respond to the needs of others out of compassion rather than shame, guilt or fear, or manipulation. 

We must thus also be prepared to accept a no. When someone says no, they are expressing that their feelings and needs are not being considered and met by your request. The no therefore acts as a beautiful gift that allows us to hear and receive the other person’s feelings and needs.
Eventually, we can negotiate and find where we agree upon so that we may reach a solution that works for us all.

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Radical honesty

“Radical honesty” refers to a communication approach that emphasizes complete transparency and authenticity in expressing thoughts, feelings, and experiences, without filtering or sugarcoating them.
In radical honesty, individuals strive to be honest and direct in their communication, even if it means revealing uncomfortable truths or admitting vulnerability. Expressing without fear of judgment or repercussions.
However, it’s important to note that radical honesty isn’t about being tactless or insensitive. It still requires empathy, respect, and consideration for others’ feelings. Radical honesty encourages open communication and vulnerability while recognizing the value of honesty in building trust and fostering meaningful relationships.

 

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Assertive constructive Communication

Assertiveness skills can be used to express thoughts, feelings, and needs openly and honestly while respecting the rights of others. Assertiveness involves being direct, clear, and confident in communication

Setting and Respecting Boundaries

This involves clearly expressing limits and asserting one’s needs and rights while respecting those of others. By setting and respecting healthy boundaries, individuals can cultivate respectful and fulfilling relationships built on trust, understanding, and mutual respect. It’s essential to prioritise communication, empathy, and self-awareness in navigating boundaries in any relationship or interaction.

Setting healthy boundaries (Key points)

  • Identify and become aware of your own limits: Reflect on your values and needs and determine what behaviours, actions, or interactions make you feel uncomfortable or not respected.
  • Communicate Clearly: Clearly communicate your boundaries to others in a respectful and direct manner. 
  • Be Firm and Consistent: Stand firm in upholding your boundaries, even if others push back or try to disregard them. Consistency is key to reinforcing your boundaries and maintaining your self-respect.
  • Listen to Your Intuition: Trust your instincts and listen to your feelings. If something doesn’t feel right or crosses your boundaries, honour those feelings and take appropriate action.
  • Take Care of Yourself: Setting boundaries also involves prioritising self-care and well-being. Make time for activities that recharge you and honour your need for rest, relaxation, and personal space.
boundaries

Respecting the Boundaries of Others (Key points)

  • Listen Actively: Pay attention to verbal and nonverbal cues from others that indicate their boundaries. Respect their autonomy and personal space by honoring their requests and preferences.
  • Ask for Consent: Seek consent before initiating physical contact, emotional processes, or engaging in activities that may affect others. Respect their right to say no without pressure or coercion.
  • Avoid Assumptions: Avoid making assumptions about others’ boundaries based on your own preferences or beliefs. Respect their unique perspectives and needs, even if they differ from your own.
  • Accept Rejection Gracefully: If someone sets a boundary with you, accept it gracefully without taking it personally or pressuring them to change their mind. Respect their decision and adjust your behaviour accordingly.
  • Communicate Openly: Encourage open and honest communication with others about boundaries. Create a safe and supportive environment where everyone feels comfortable expressing their needs and concerns.
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Conflict Resolution

We can use NVC principles to navigate conflicts peacefully. Instead of resorting to blame or criticism, focus on understanding each other’s perspectives, needs, and feelings. Seek collaborative solutions that honour the needs of all parties involved.

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Finding Common Agreements

One of the main challenges in Community Living is to break the pattern that society taught us to focus on our differences (that creates individualism and separation), and instead focus on our similarities and on what we can agree, and this way we can can shift to a much more compassionate way of communicating, and to more harmonious relationships (and still having space for authenticity, expressing our opinions when the space is appropriate for that, and the other is willing to hear our perspective).

 

As we can observe in our society, many people have a habit of disagreeing or saying the other is wrong, judging, and giving our opinion without request, and being defensive of our point of view. Sometimes one can try to convince the other, without respecting or trying to deeply understand the other’s perspective.

Making the conscious effort to find where we agree with the other rather than disagree, and focus on what we have in common, allows us to find points of union instead of separation. This takes the focus away from how we are different and shifts the perspective to what we have in common. This allows us to create harmonious relationships and find common goals. This way, we can learn to work together, in collaboration and union, in order to reach these common goals. 

Even if we don’t fully agree, at least we can try to understand the other’s perspective, and why one is saying that or why (s)he might have that perspective.
This way, we can have compassion and the other can feel heard and understood, so we can keep in harmonious connection, even if we have different opinions.

 

This is a very useful base for communities to thrive and prosper, and consequently feeling in tune and in harmony with each other, Uniting ourselves in common goals and vision

 

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When we hear someone we disagree with

  • we can give a feedback loop – i hear you saying (observation) – is that right?
  • (this is important, so the other feels heard, so he doesn’t need to keep repeating, justifying or defensive of his point of view, the moment he feels heard and understood)

Note – it’s not recommended to give our opinion until we fully understand the other’s perspective, and confirm with a communication loop until the other feels heard.
Only after that we can express that we have another perspective/opinion, and willing to share, only if the other is clearly receptive for that.

 

Example :

  • – saying “when i hear you saying (feedback loop…)
  •  i can understand your perspective (although it doesn’t resonate with me, 
  •     – but i respect your opinion,  

 i have other opinion/other perspective (willing to share if you like to hear)

Commitment of not taking Offense

When we commit to not taking offense, we commit to not reacting. The invitation is therefore to pause, meditate about it, and respond once the emotion is digested. This allows us the time, and a clear mind, to process the situation/behavior and to respond in an appropriate way, rather than from an emotional charge. It also allows us to assess if it is something within the other person that we can bring attention to, or if it is something within ourselves that we can learn from and adjust. We, therefore, also make ourselves available to receive constructive feedback for our evolution and growth.

 

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Clearing resentments

One of the essential steps in conflict resolution is identifying and clearing resentments as early as they arise.

  • Resentments are inner stories created about your unfulfilled expectations. 
  • Expectations lead to false assumptions, and these lead to frustration and disappointment. 
  • Usually, the base of these conflicts is just unclear communications. 

 

 

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How to Clear Resentments

    • It’s essential to break this chain: 

      • Resentment → Expectation → Assumption → Frustration → Disappointment → Conflict 

    • For dismantling this chain one needs to take responsibility for the expectations and assumptions that were created.
      • Clear communication and checking before creating expectations or assumptions is therefore essential for clearing the resentments
      • As soon as you feel resentment, it’s important to check if the other person is willing to help you clear these energies
      • Check and identify if the resentment was created by  our own assumption, expectation or inner boundary that was not clearly expressed.
        Eg. I feel resentment, because i was assuming/expecting ()… 
      • Once we have identified the assumption/expectation, we can check with the other to see if our expectation was clearly communicated to the other, and agreed to by them.
        Eg. I feel resentment, because I was assuming/expecting… can you confirm if this expectation is valid? Did I assume something without communicating clearly or checking?
      • If there was a lack of communication from our side, we can simply recognize that, and apologise for creating false expectations. If needed, we can then find clarity around the miscommunication and clearly communicate our expectations, boundaries and requests. 

    Clearing the Expectations and Setting the Intention to: 

    • Clearly communicate what we expect from others,
    • Clearly express our boundaries and requests, 
    • Check before creating expectations/assumptions.

    Communication Circles

    - Talking stick and Non-interruptive signs

    Sometimes when we are at communication circles, and someone is expressing, and for some reason makes a pause, not necessarily having finished expressing her thought process, with that pause, frequently people tend to  step in with ideas, comments, etc, not allowing the initial person to finish their train of thought.

    That usually causes unfinished ideas presented, jumping off topic easily, and loosing track of the initial intentions of the expression, and making the circles last very long and become quite exaustive.

     

    So on some circles, like the traditional native american, and other traditional practices, people use practices like the “talking stick” , where one’s expression is respected without interrupting, and only passing the talking-stick after we finnish our expression.

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    In some of these circles, it’s possible to use non-interruptive visual signs to express that we have something to add, but waiting that the person expressing finishes or gives us space to add our expression.

    These visual signs are very useful in constructive communication circles to avoid entering reactivity patterns , and usually make the communication much more harmonious.

    Some of the non-interruptive visual signs we like to use are:

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    • Raised Hand
      – I’d like to add something
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      • I Fully Agree
    disagree
      • I Disagree
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      • Back to Topic

        – Can you go back to the topic
        we 
        were talking about?

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      • Direct Answer
        – I have a direct answer/response
        to what you’re saying
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      • Move On
        – Can you Move On
        (we got already what you’re trying to say
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      • Emotional Overload
        – i’m getting emotional overload or triggered.
    • Can we pause so i can digest the emotions,
      and so we can continue after the
      emotions are cooled down?

    •  (so we avoid talking with heated emotions?)

       

    Casual Constructive Conversations

    In Casual conversations, if we wish to have them in a constructive, empathic and effective way, we suggest some intermediate level of the previous modality of the talking stick circle , in a more fluid way of communicating, but keeping some non-interruptive practices:

     

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    In this more casual proposal, we propose the openness to use of some brief expressions that are non-interruptive, but allow some brief feedback and empathy, without interrupting the flow of the one expressing the main idea.

    For example, when we hear someone and we want to comment or give feedback, in this modality we can use brief expressions of few words (max 3 words ideally) for:

    • expressing how we feel
    (I feel …)

    • to say we want to comment about the topic,
    – (eg I’d like to comment…)

    • or introduce new topic, saying the topic in 3 words max)

    • Expressing empathy
    Eg saying :” I also…”, “ it happened to me too”, or “I feel that way too”

    • Expressing that it reminds us of other similar situation/ story
    (but not introducing before the other finishes

    • Show agreement
    – I agree, or I ressonate with that …

    • Anything we like to express, just stating in max 3 words, and waiting the other finishes his topic, before we develop our idea

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    If we got already the idea expressed, and one starts to get repetitive or bored with the conversation, we can, for example –

    • Express – we got your idea, can we move on?…, or “can I say something about that?” Or “can we move on to a new topic?”

     

     

    if one starts to get repetitive, or defensive of his opinion,
    We can also give a feedback loop
    – Announcing , for example – “can I express how I’m understanding what you’re saying?
    (and give a feedback loop only after the other finishes or gives us space for that)

     

    If one gets carried away and expresses more than few words (ideally 3 words max), and starts introducing new topic or interrupt the flow,
    the one expressing originally can, for example,

    • show overload sign

    • Or express something like:
    – I want to hear you fully, but just let me just finish my idea/expression ,
    (if you’re interested – are you interested in that?

    - Points of Union - Tuning Practices

    Some of the methods for achieving this “glue” that holds community together, and focus on Union, / integration / inter-connection, / Intuition / Love,
    ( and a way to keep the community United, Cohesive ,  in Tune ,   One … )

     

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    Points-of-Union – Tuning practices
    as a way to tuning in harmony with the space,  the people,  and All the Beings and energy forms present, and with Mother Earth, Nature and the Universe,

     

    – it can be something simple, like a movement, a sound / music,
    something that we co-create together,
    a ritual, a poem, sharing a feeling,
    learning something together,

    being in a circle,    Being  The  Circle,
    a Point of Union…

     

    ( and it can vary, according to the imagination
    and creativity of everyone )

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    Examples of Points of Union

    Morning Circle – ( Daily )

    ( Point of Union –   Everyone  can propose a  “Point of Union” . . .

    – what , in your perspective , is Union ?

    – what Activity do you propose, that can help manifest Union , in harmony ,
    within the group , and within All the Beings , Nature And Universe  ?

     

    ( every Morning Circle, a different proposal,
    from anyone that feels to propose a “point of Union”

     

     

     Examples:

    Om – Tuning Circle

    ( Ancestral practice of  Expansion of Consciousness, and
    Collective Sintonization (Attunement),
    using the Sacred Sound – AUM

     

     

    Music Jam / Dance, etc

    –  Tuning into the world of Vibrations, with  Sounds and Rhythms , (and movements)

    and consciously connecting with each other, and expanding consciousness, uniting in tune with All the Universe

     

    ( Bring your Musical Instrument )

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    Taking Responsibility for our Feelings

    • Understanding that others’ words and actions are only the stimuli and not the cause of our feelings.
    • We are responsible for what we feel. 
    • When we interpret, diagnose, criticize, or judge others, we’re expressing our needs and values indirectly. 
    • Once we connect our feelings to our own needs, and learn how to communicate them, it’s easier for others to respond with compassion. 
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    Using "I" Statements

    Encouraging of using “I” statements to express feelings and needs, rather than blaming or accusing others. For example, “I feel frustrated when…” instead of “You always…” or “you are … [(-interpretation”)]

    • When noticing we are saying “the other … – seeing within, what is our responsibility in it

     

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    Stages of Emotional Responsibility

    According to Marshall Rosenberg, in the course of developing emotional responsibility, most of us go through 3 stages:

     

    1. Emotional Slavery

      • In this stage, we consider ourselves responsible for the feelings of others.
      • We strive to keep everyone happy. If they don’t appear to be so, we feel compelled to do something about it. We try to accommodate them at our own expense. 

      This constant need for vigilance and upkeep of others’ can lead us to see the very people who are closest to us as burdens. With time, this can become very detrimental to our intimate relationships. 

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      2. The Obnoxious stage

          • Once we become aware of the high costs of assuming responsibility for others’ feelings and trying to accommodate them at our own expense, we may feel angry. 
          • As a result we tend to take the “It’s your problem, not mine” approach when presented with another person’s pain. This is the obnoxious stage. 
          • As we emerge from emotional enslavement, we may continue to carry remnants of fear and guilt around having our own needs. Thus it is not surprising that we end up expressing those needs in ways that sound rigid and unyielding to the ears of others. 

          We are clear that we are not responsible for others’ feelings, but we are yet to learn how to be responsible to the feelings of others in a way that’s not emotionally enslaving.

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          3. Emotional Liberation

          • As soon as we can assert our needs in a way that respects the needs of others, we have taken a step towards the stage of emotional liberation.
          • The key here is to respond to the needs of others out of compassion instead of shame, guilt or fear. 
          • We accept full responsibility for our actions and intentions but not for the feelings of others. 
          • At this stage, we are aware that we can never meet our own needs at the expense of others.
          • Emotional liberation involves stating clearly what we need in a way that communicates we are equally concerned that the needs of others be fulfilled.
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          Appendix 1

          List of FEELINGS & NEEDS

          (click to download pdf)

          Appendix 1 - List of FEELINGS & NEEDS
          FEELINGS - when your needs are met

          Feelings when your needs are satisfied

          AFFECTIONATE
          compassionate
          friendly
          loving
          open hearted
          sympathetic
          tender
          warm


          CONFIDENT
          empowered
          open
          proud
          safe
          secure


          ENGAGED
          absorbed
          alert
          curious
          engrossed
          enchanted
          entranced
          fascinated
          interested
          intrigued
          involved
          spellbound
          stimulated


          INSPIRED
          amazed
          awed
          wonder


          EXCITED
          amazed
          animated
          ardent
          aroused
          astonished
          dazzled
          eager
          energetic
          enthusiastic
          giddy
          invigorated
          lively
          passionate
          surprised
          vibrant


          EXHILARATED
          blissful
          ecstatic
          elated
          enthralled
          exuberant
          radiant
          rapturous
          thrilled


          GRATEFUL
          appreciative
          moved
          thankful
          touched


          HOPEFUL
          expectant
          encouraged
          optimistic


          JOYFUL
          amused
          delighted
          glad
          happy
          jubilant
          pleased
          tickled


          PEACEFUL
          calm
          clear headed
          comfortable
          centered
          content
          equanimous
          fulfilled
          mellow
          quiet
          relaxed
          relieved
          satisfied
          serene
          still
          tranquil
          trusting


          REFRESHED
          enlivened
          rejuvenated
          renewed
          rested
          restored
          revived

          FEELINGS - When your needds are NOT met

          Feelings when your needs are not satisfied

          AFRAID
          apprehensive
          dread
          foreboding
          frightened
          mistrustful
          panicked
          petrified
          scared
          suspicious
          terrified
          wary
          worried


          ANNOYED
          aggravated
          dismayed
          disgruntled
          displeased
          exasperated
          frustrated
          impatient
          irritated
          irked


          ANGRY
          enraged
          furious
          incensed
          indignant
          irate
          livid
          outraged
          resentful


          AVERSION
          animosity
          appalled
          contempt
          disgusted
          dislike
          hate
          horrified
          hostile
          repulsed


          CONFUSED
          ambivalent
          baffled
          bewildered
          dazed
          hesitant
          lost
          mystified
          perplexed
          puzzled
          torn


          DISCONNECTED
          alienated
          aloof
          apathetic
          bored
          cold
          detached
          distant
          distracted
          indifferent
          numb
          removed
          uninterested
          withdrawn


          DISQUIET
          agitated
          alarmed
          discombobulated
          disconcerted
          disturbed
          perturbed
          rattled
          restless
          shocked
          startled
          surprised
          troubled
          turbulent
          turmoil
          uncomfortable
          uneasy
          unnerved
          unsettled
          upset


          EMBARRASSED
          ashamed
          chagrined
          flustered
          guilty
          mortified
          self-conscious


          FATIGUE
          beat
          burnt out
          depleted
          exhausted
          lethargic
          listless
          sleepy
          tired
          weary
          worn out


          PAIN
          agony
          anguished
          bereaved
          devastated
          grief
          heartbroken
          hurt
          lonely
          miserable
          regretful
          remorseful
          SAD
          depressed
          dejected
          despair
          despondent
          disappointed
          discouraged
          disheartened
          forlorn
          gloomy
          heavy hearted
          hopeless
          melancholy
          unhappy
          wretched


          TENSE
          anxious
          cranky
          distressed
          distraught
          edgy
          fidgety
          frazzled
          irritable
          jittery
          nervous
          overwhelmed
          restless
          stressed out


          VULNERABLE
          fragile
          guarded
          helpless
          insecure
          leery
          reserved
          sensitive
          shaky


          YEARNING
          envious
          jealous
          longing
          nostalgic
          pining
          wistful

          EVALUATIVE Words, confused with FEELINGS

          EVALUATIVE Words, confused with FEELINGS

          Evaluative Word Giraffe Feeling(s) Giraffe Need(s)
          Abandoned Terrified, hurt, bewildered, sad,
          frightened, lonely
          Nurturing, connection, belonging,
          support, caring
          Abused Angry, frustrated, frightened Caring, nurturing, support,
          emotional safety, physical safety,
          consideration, for livings things
          to flourish
          (Un) accepted Scared, lonely, hurt, anxious Inclusion, connection,
          community, belonging,
          contribution, respect
          Attacked Scared, angry, defiant, hostile Safety, consideration
          Belittled Angry, frustrated, tense,
          distressed
          Respect, autonomy, seen for true
          self, acknowledgement,
          appreciation
          Betrayed Angry, hurt, disappointed,
          enraged
          Trust, dependability, honesty,
          honor, commitment, clarity
          Blamed Angry, scared, confused,
          antagonistic, hostile, bewildered,
          hurt
          Accountability, causality,
          fairness, justice
          Bullied Angry, scared, pressured Autonomy, choice, safety,
          consideration
          Caged/boxed in Angry, thwarted, scared, anxious Autonomy, choice, freedom
          Cheated Resentful, hurt, angry Honesty, fairness, justice, trust,
          reliability
          Coerced Angry, frustrated, frightened,
          thwarted, scared
          Autonomy, choice, freedom
          Cornered Angry, scared, anxious, thwarted Autonomy, freedom
          Criticized In pain, scared, anxious,
          frustrated, humiliated, angry,
          embarrassed
          Understanding,
          acknowledgement, recognition,
          accountability, respectful
          communication
          Discounted/diminished Hurt, angry, embarrassed,
          frustrated
          Acknowledgement, inclusion,
          recognition, respect
          Disliked Sad, lonely, hurt Connection, appreciation,
          understanding,
          acknowledgement, friendship,
          inclusion
          Distrusted Sad, frustrated Trust, honesty
          Dumped on Angry, overwhelmed Respect, consideration
          Harassed Angry, frustrated, pressured,
          frightened
          Respect, space, consideration,
          peace
          Hassled Irritated, distressed, angry,
          frustrated
          Serenity, autonomy, choice of
          pace and method, calm, space
          Ignored Lonely, scared, hurt, sad,
          embarrassed
          Connection, belonging, inclusion,
          community, participation
          Insulted Angry, embarrassed Respect, consideration,
          acknowledgement, recognition
          Interrupted Angry, frustrated, resentful, hurt Respect, to be heard,
          consideration
          Intimidated Scared, anxious Safety, equality, empowerment
          Invalidated Angry, hurt, resentful Appreciation, respect,
          acknowledgement, recognition
          Invisible Sad, angry, lonely, scared To be seen and heard, inclusion,
          belonging, companionship,
          community
          Isolated Lonely, afraid, scared Community, inclusion,
          belonging, contribution
          Judged Resentful, scared, hurt, angry To be seen, consideration,
          fairness, equality, justice
          Left out Sad, lonely, anxious Inclusion, belonging, community,
          connection
          Let down Sad, disappointed, frightened Trust, dependability
          Manipulated Angry, scared, powerless,
          thwarted, frustrated
          Autonomy, empowerment, trust,
          equality, freedom, connection,
          authenticity
          Mistrusted Sad, angry Trust
          Misunderstood Upset, angry, frustrated To be heard, understanding,
          clarity
          Neglected Lonely, scared Connection, inclusion,
          contribution, community, care,
          consideration
          Overpowered Angry, helpless, confused Equality, justice, autonomy,
          freedom
          Overworked Angry, tired, frustrated,
          exhausted
          Respect, consideration, rest,
          nurturing
          Patronized Angry, frustrated, resentful Recognition, equality, respect,
          mutuality
          Pressured Anxious, resentful,
          overwhelmed
          Relaxation, clarity, space,
          consideration
          Provoked Angry, frustrated, hostile,
          antagonistic, resentful
          Respect, consideration
          Put down Angry, sad, embarrassed Respect, acknowledgement,
          understanding
          Rejected Hurt, scared, angry, defiant Belonging, inclusion, closeness,
          to be seen, acknowledgement,
          connection
          Ripped off/screwed Anger, resentment, disappointed Consideration, justice,
          acknowledgement, trust
          Smothered/suffocated Frustrated, desperate, fear Space, freedom, autonomy,
          authenticity, self-expression
          Taken for granted Sad, angry, hurt, disappointed Appreciation, acknowledgement,
          recognition, consideration
          Threatened Scared, frightened, alarmed,
          agitated, defiant
          Safety, autonomy
          Trampled/walked on Angry, frustrated overwhelmed Empowerment, connection,
          community, to be seen,
          consideration, equality, respect,
          acknowledgement
          Tricked Embarrassed, angry, resentful Integrity, honesty, trust
          Unappreciated Sad, angry, hostile, hurt Appreciation, respect,
          acknowledgement, consideration
          Unheard Sad, hostile, frustrated Understanding, consideration,
          empathy
          Unloved Sad, bewildered, frustrated Love, appreciation, empathy,
          connection, community,
          compassion
          Unseen Sad, anxious, frustrated Acknowledgement, to be seen,
          appreciation, to be heard
          Unsupported Sad, hurt, resentful Support, understanding
          Unwanted Sad, anxious, frustrated Belonging, inclusion, caring,
          nurturing
          Used Sad, angry, resentful Autonomy, equality,
          consideration, mutuality
          Victimized Frightened, helpless Empowerment, mutuality, safety,
          justice
          Violated Sad, anxious, agitated Privacy, safety, trust, space,
          respect
          Wronged Angry, hurt, resentful, irritated Respect, justice, trust, safety,
          fairness, equality

           

          Basic Human NEEDS

          Basic Human NEEDS

          CONNECTION
          acceptance
          affection
          appreciation
          belonging
          cooperation
          communication
          closeness
          community
          companionship
          compassion
          consideration
          consistency
          empathy
          inclusion
          intimacy
          love
          mutuality
          nurturing
          respect/self-respect
          safety
          security
          stability
          support
          to know and be
          known
          to see and be seen
          to understand and
          be understood
          trust
          warmth


          HONESTY
          authenticity
          integrity
          presence


          PLAY
          joy
          humor


          PEACE
          beauty
          communion
          ease
          equality
          harmony
          inspiration
          order


          PHYSICAL WELLBEING
          air
          food
          movement/exercise
          rest/sleep
          sexual expression
          safety
          shelter
          touch
          water


          MEANING
          awareness
          celebration of
          life
          challenge
          clarity
          competence
          consciousness
          contribution
          creativity
          discovery
          efficacy
          effectiveness
          growth
          hope
          learning
          mourning
          participation
          purpose
          self-expression
          stimulation
          to matter
          understanding


          AUTONOMY
          choice
          freedom
          independence
          space
          spontaneity

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